Body Image and How To Respond to Negativity

I don't want this to be one of those blog posts where all I do is complain. In general I find those posts as truthful as they might be, sort of a turn off. But I do want to open the floor to this issue that I've been having lately, that I assume a lot of other people have on this journey so we can start unpacking it. 

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I am a new and improved version of myself. I feel better. I feel confident. I feel a sense of maturity. I've also lost weight, and gained muscle mass. That's what the intent of this website was in the first place - for people to share this journey with me. The new found confidence and my weight loss absolutely correlate, I won't sugar coat it. Not because I think I look so much better and get more attention, but because I FEEL rejuvenated. I feel like I have put my energy into something positive lately. It's like those corny inspirational quotes on instagram. I don't work out because I hate my body, I work out because I LOVE my body. It's a machine. It NEEDS to be exercised. It's also because I made a list of daily assignments for myself that I NEED to finish. A half hour or so of reading something positive. A concentrated hour with a family member. Following through on your goals will make you proud of yourself, even if the goals are miniscule. 

Anyways, I'm going on a tangent. I tend to do that. TODAY I want to talk about body image, and I also want to talk about negativity. Even if it's in the most covert form, there will always be people that do NOT understand, or rather are unwilling to understand and accept this journey. I want to talk to you about a few of the struggles I've had this past summer since this wonderful phase of my life began.


If you haven't noticed, due to social media, advertisements and media in general, we are constantly being SOLD on how we should look. Go ahead, pretend that you are above the effects of commercials and magazines, but because social media is so accessible to us these days, it's estimated that we see roughly 3000 ads a day. And that estimate was a few years ago. Now that we have Facebook, instagram, WHATEVER on our phones at ALL times, we are probably exposed to it even more. Pardon my language but as enlightened as we think we might be, shit tends to sink in. We need to become critically AWARE of exactly what we are being sold on so that we can make a conscious decision to NOT follow through with that. Because, lets face it. Advertisements aren't used to sell a product. That is the result, but first and foremost, advertisements are being used to sell an IDEA. The ideal way to look. The ideal way to act. 
Yesterday I watched one of my favourite childhood movies, Princess Diaries. Princess Mia starts off as this invisible girl. They tried to perceive her has unattractive. How could they possibly do that? Let's give her thick, thick eyebrows, and stick her in glasses. Lets give her big, curly and unruly hair. Her transformation will consist of us putting some makeup on her, breaking her glasses and straightening her unruly, beautiful curls. Suddenly everybody in town wants to be Mia's friend. As a girl growing up with curly biracial hair, I'll be first to admit that things like that started to sink in. And as enlightened/socially aware as I might be now, when I go on dates with boys my first question to my sisters, STILL, after two degrees and a lot of life experience is how I should do my hair. Pretty terrible, but I don't want to lie to you. When I was in grade 7, my best friend Karly used to come over on bad days and I would lay my head over the ironing board, and she would iron it. With a real iron. This was before straighteners were big on the scene and relatively inexpensive. The first day I straightened my hair and went into my school, I remember this day perfectly, two guys that I had crushes on, who NEVER really spoke to me before, told me I looked good. I felt like a million bucks. Did my new hair change the beauty of my face? No. How would you expect a 12 year old boy to recognize that when all he has seen on the cover of Tigerbeat and J14 are the hottest teens in Hollywood..with straight hair! I don't blame them at all. I bought into the idea that straight hair was more beautiful. Even deeper, I bought into the idea that if a boy compliments me, it's validation of my beauty. I killed two birds with one stone that day.

During the recent economic recession in America, can you guess what the ONLY industry to still thrive was? Aesthetics. No joke. No matter how broke or hopeless people are, the majority will still find an extra dollar to appear presentable to the public eye. Get their hair done, nails done, buy makeup and skincare products, and of course, try to exercise. People are enticed by this idea to look good. Beauty was socially constructed. No matter how many syrums I use, I will NOT have the same hair texture as a blonde white girl. It just won't happen. But I still try to compare myself to this ideal.  How problematic is that?

So, with all of this in mind, it is no wonder why people would try their hardest to achieve their "goal bodies." Because we are constantly sold on the idea that tight little tummies and perfect boobs and nice round bums are ideal. That men with big broad shoulders and rock hard abs show that they can be handy men and provide strength for us. But not everyone will meet this standard. 

I struggle with this sometimes because I really really want to be fit. I do. Because it makes me feel good, but I also think it's because I feel like I look better. Or maybe because suddenly, I can't go out to the bar without getting someones phone number, so I feel like something I'm doing must be working? Suddenly it is more EVIDENT that I'm attractive. I should have figured that out on my own. I want to try to make this post as honest as possible, as embarrassing as it is to admit some of these things. I invite people on this journey with me and their initial WANT and WHY for this journey is because they are tired of looking in the mirror and being uncomfortable in their own skin. They want to be skinny. And it's hard, because where do you find the line? You SHOULD be exercising for your body's sake, NO DOUBT about it. So I encourage you to. But since weightless is such an immediate result it's hard to NOT view it as a plus. I mean, heart disease is the leading cause of death in North America, and a lot of that is due to obesity. Because of my background and interest in critical theory though, it is sometimes hard for me to promote this lifestyle because I don't want to sell you guys on this idea that skinny is BETTER. Weight loss is a result, but it should be the last reason that you are doing this. But if it IS your reason, and you are okay and secure in that reason, who am I to tell you to change it?

In terms of negativity that I have received, it is covert. I wanna share these with you.

1. I HAVE TAKEN IT TOO FAR:
 For the ten wonderful comments that I receive about how healthy and fit I look nowadays, there are one or two comments that aren't so wonderful. It's weird how those are the ones we remember sometimes, eh?As if there wasn't an insane amount of pressure on women already to fit the "ideal" (I speak for women not because I am excluding men from the pressures of media, but because I AM a woman, so I'm using first hand experience), SUDDENLY, this ideal has gone too far. For every 10 people that say I look great, one or two people respond to my journey with "UGH, don't lose anymore weight!" Or, "Meaghan! You're getting too skinny." I guess my question is, will there ALWAYS be some kind of perfect body that I have to work towards? Will nothing ever be good enough? Because we are constantly presented with ideals instead of reality, I guess it is so. Telling me that I am too skinny is NOT a compliment when you say it with such distaste in your voice. So the other day I started thinking about how I'd like to now bulk up and put on some more muscle. But I had to stop myself for about a week and think about it. Am I bulking up because I genuinely love exercising and lifting? Or is a small part of me doing it because I want to remain curvaceous like an "ideal woman?" This stuff goes through my brain ALL the time. I have contributed me wanting to bulk to the former, but I can't deny the recent slew of comments telling me how scrawny I am haven't helped, which sucks, especially since I worked so hard to get to this point. 

2. WEIRD ATTENTION
Why on earth is it, that suddenly because I am more confident and thus probably friendlier, do people at the bar assume I want to sleep with them!? And I'm not kidding. I'm a flirtatious person, but I've noticed the amount of people approaching me on nights out has skyrocketed. I am not one of those feminists who thinks it's unacceptable for a guy to walk up to me and tell me I'm beautiful. In fact, I usually think gestures like that are very sweet. So if that happens, I would never be like "You're making me feel unsafe, go away!" I usually smile and say thank you, or strike up a conversation because I admire that kind of courage, and because sometimes it's just downright nice to hear from a stranger. But I do get more comments lately on my body and it's just sort of...weird. Like, because I am a little bit more fit now, I MUST want to go home with a guy. Or I am a bit more fit now, so I MUST get guys whenever I want, so I MUST be into having lots of raunchy nights with lots of different men. Um. I spend most of my nights drinking tea and reading self-help books or playing music with my sister. Nuh-hheewww thank you. I just don't get why this idea of a fit body is sometimes synonymous with more overt sexuality. If you and I are buddies, and you tell me I'm looking good lately, or you can tell I've been hitting the gym, or even if you say I'm looking hot, I appreciate it. I do. But...suddenly people I barely talk to tell me I'm really sexy. Not even a "hello, how are you?" first. Awkward. And I get that sometimes people in beast mode are primarily there for aesthetics, so they definitely perpetuate that whole "gym rat, get sexy" attitude but. It's just strange. And it makes me identify with people in school who were perceived in a sexual or negative way. How many times have you heard the term "skinny bitches." What is that? Because a girl has that genetic makeup, or because she might be working her ass off in the gym, she automatically gets the title of "skinny BITCH"? Check your ingredients. 

3. UNABLE TO RELATE
This has less to do with my physical journey and more to do with my emotional and mental one. Because I have been reading a lot lately, because I feel a sense of rejuvenation and energy and purpose... I find it really hard to relate to people lately. I try to, and I want to. I have always been the type of girl that tries to see the bright side of things. Anyways, even though I've always had an optimistic attitude, the last few years I went through a little slum where I wasn't the cheerful girl I used to be. I'm finally starting to get back to that, and I love it...but now I find it hard to relate to people. Which is sad. I don't want there to be a disconnect between me and any of my friends, but the older I get, the more I want to surround myself with people who are kind. Who are thoughtful, and generous, and positive. Who can challenge me artistically, intellectually. Who encourage me to take risks. Who are goal-oriented. I have found it very hard to find people like that lately, and have spent a lot of time hanging out around my house where I know I will find these people. If I get together for dinner with a friend and all they do is complain, I leave feeling so disappointed. Or if one of my friends tells me all of the things in their life that CAN'T be done, as opposed to the things that can.... it just is frustrating me more than usual.  And that's partially my fault, because I need to be less afraid of hurting peoples feelings and just TELL them when I think they could be more positive. That is definitely something I need to work on. I'm a bit of a people-pleaser, if you haven't already guessed. 

4. COMPETITION
One of my best friends in the entire world, Rox, and I were talking about some of this negativity the other night. She was telling me about how she was reading this article written by this woman who used to be really overweight, but then went down to 120lbs or something. She wrote this article about 10 or some odd reasons about why sometimes she wishes she was still fat. Because of negativity like this, or people not understanding her journey. Because, as the "fat girl," she never felt like she was in a competition with her friends at the bar for a man; everyone including her knew that she wouldn't get him either way due to her weight. Now that she was more petite, she felt a negativity from her girlfriends that she had never felt before. A sense of jealousy from them. A sense of competition from them. These were things she had never experienced before, and it really put body image into perspective for her. I wish I could find the article. I haven't personally felt this, but it is interesting that some people might.

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The point of this post wasn't so that I could complain about all of the things that SUCK about my transformation, but I just wanted to shed some light on some of these issues. I assume if you are going through a similar transformation, physical or otherwise, maybe you have experienced these things? Let me know. 

I want to end with this AMAZING letter that J.K Rowling wrote about body image. I think it's a perfect way for us to get a wake up call and check ourselves. Have a great day folks.

“Fat’ is usually the first insult a girl throws at another girl when she wants to hurt her.

I mean, is ‘fat’ really the worst thing a human being can be? Is ‘fat’ worse than ‘vindictive’, ‘jealous’, ‘shallow’, ‘vain’, ‘boring’ or ‘cruel’? Not to me; but then, you might retort, what do I know about the pressure to be skinny? I’m not in the business of being judged on my looks, what with being a writer and earning my living by using my brain…

I went to the British Book Awards that evening. After the award ceremony I bumped into a woman I hadn’t seen for nearly three years. The first thing she said to me? ‘You’ve lost a lot of weight since the last time I saw you!’

‘Well,’ I said, slightly nonplussed, ‘the last time you saw me I’d just had a baby.’

What I felt like saying was, ‘I’ve produced my third child and my sixth novel since I last saw you. Aren’t either of those things more important, more interesting, than my size?’ But no – my waist looked smaller! Forget the kid and the book: finally, something to celebrate!

I’ve got two daughters who will have to make their way in this skinny-obsessed world, and it worries me, because I don’t want them to be empty-headed, self-obsessed, emaciated clones; I’d rather they were independent, interesting, idealistic, kind, opinionated, original, funny – a thousand things, before ‘thin’. And frankly, I’d rather they didn’t give a gust of stinking chihuahua flatulence whether the woman standing next to them has fleshier knees than they do. Let my girls be Hermiones, rather than Pansy Parkinsons.”

― J.K. Rowling