You see, I made this commitment to myself to blog once a week, and I was pretty consistent with it up until the last 4 weeks. I wasn't making the time to blog, and not practising what you preach sucks; I'm always the person that says "if something's really important to you, you'll MAKE time." Which got me all down and out, and thats what this post is about. Maybe you can relate...
I put an INTENSE amount of pressure on myself to live up to everyones expectations. Now the crazy thing is, the people I'm referring to don't really expect that much from me. I have this thing I do - I project these expectations on myself. I always have. I'm a very patient and easy going person, but I have these moments in time where I just lose control and FREAK OUT. And the moments aren't really moments - they are more like days. I'll have a week or two every few months where I literally feel like I'm losing my mind, so I figure it's just best to let that out into the universe. Now since the spring time I've been doing a lot better. I started working for Team BeachBody and getting fit, holding myself accountable and coaching others to meet their health goals. With this plunge into entrepreneurship and self-love I started reading a LOT of personal development books and and doing things for myself. And with those came a lot of advice on how to make the best of your day and live a fulfilling life! Which I LOVE. So I made lists. TONS of lists. Check lists for each day, lists of short term goals, long term goals, daily goals, you name it. This has changed who I am as a person in the most positive way. The only drawback is that I sometimes set so many goals for myself that I become overwhelmed and it leads to mental breakdown week!!! Add that to my weird inconsistent schedule and VOILA! No blogging for Meags. Which makes me sad because it's become something that I really love doing!!!
Does anyone else get like this? And if so, what proactive steps do you do to prevent it? It's weird because sometimes the things that I allow myself to get stressed over, are the things that would make me feel better in the first place. Like, I've been putting off writing this blog because it was another to-do on my giant to-do list. But I KNOW that I would feel liberation after writing it, kind of like how I am starting to now. Similarly, if I don't work out during the day, I feel SO crappy about myself. One, because my body needs the exercise and I'm not listening to my body. Two, because I am a COACH and I have unbelievable girls in my challenge group who COUNT on me. I don't want to let them down. And Three, because the idea of not meeting my goals frustrates me, and makes me feel inadequate. But if I DID just wake up a smidge earlier, or even did a half-assed workout, I know that my mind would immediately feel relieved. You have NO idea how positive the benefits of exercising are for your soul. Just taking a moment to drop off the face of the earth for a little bit to just STRETCH, and BREATHE, and RUN. I feel like it's incomparable to any medicine you could take.
All the same, I have moments when I forget these things, as everyone does, and I count working out as another stress and another task that I just DON'T have time for. But then I think about single parents and people who work 60 hour work weeks and people who have to provide for entire FAMILIES and I wonder if it's fair of me to stress out so much when there are problems in the world much bigger than mine. I feel the need to APOLOGIZE for feeling shitty - another example of how I put too much pressure on myself. And the worst thing (right now) for me is that emotional stress for me always leads to physical symptoms. I'll come right out and say it - I have NEVER had worse acne in my life. I usually break out once a month, but this has been going on for weeks on end despite my daily cleansing. I actually really wanted to get this skin care line that isn't in the cards for me right now; I can't seem to budget it into my umpteen expenses. My eye has also been twitching for LITERALLY four days straight. And not the minor annoyance small twitch every now and then. It's like constant fluttering! WHAT THE HECK!?
I'm just a mess guys!!!!! I don't know whats going on but would love your help! I definitely know I need to set aside more time for reading and less on social media. Last night I went to see a play and have dinner with some friends from my undergrad, and it was SERIOUSLY good soul food. I think that helped. I think writing this blog will help! And I'm gonna do yoga today for a little bit. It makes me really excited to start PiYo, an 8-week fitness program thats goal is to help lengthen and strengthen muscles. I think stretching out the stress will help! Find out more about piyo HERE:
In any case, I'm hoping this period of weird overwhelmed-ness wears off soon! I have a lot of things that I wanna do in 2015, and if I can make it through as well as I did during 2014, I KNOW it'll be my year. Anyone ready to make 2015 THEIR year too? Let me know!
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