Acne Agony

I was really hoping that I could write this blog on all my tips and tricks about how my skin cleared up from the random 3 month acne spell I got. I've tried a slew of products, natural and not. Done a ton of research. I was SUPER prepared to write this blog! 

But it just didn't happen. 

I actually might cry writing this blog. SO lame. So here's my story.

I've never ever EVER struggled with my skin. In fact, I've never been hugely confident in how I look (though not really self-conscious either). But one thing that I've always given myself a mental high five for is that I have one hundred percent, always been confident not wearing makeup. I never wore it through high school, and rarely through university unless I was going out to a party or on a date or something. If I wasn't confident in my body or overall appearance, at least I knew I could rock the shit out of my makeup free face. I always prided myself in being that chick that was ready for the day in less than five minutes. And that walked into any establishment make up free and didn't immediately think "Ommggaasshh, I wish I had put some foundation on today!" 

Last spring my skin got even better. I started working out pretty much daily, drinking tons of water and eating clean, plus was drinking a natural superfood supplement that I love. My face was clear, my hair was strong. My nails were...yeah they weren't growing. Guitar curse! But everything was going great! 

Fast forward to this October. For real, I don't know what the FUCK  heck happened over the past six months but my skin has gone totally haywire. I tried to retrace my acne journey and I think it all started when I went out for Halloween and I bought this new bronzer. Legit, I thought it was the holy grail of bronzers. It looked so nice and natural and smelled like chocolate! How could I go wrong?! Because I loved it so much, I started wearing it daily. I noticed I started getting bad breakouts along my cheekbone line. So I cut the bronzer out. I was allergic to it. Worst. Cutting it out was a good idea, but that did nothing for all the existent breakouts I had and the scarring that would follow.

Being a fan of natural remedies for the most part (I just find they have worked well for me) I have tried so many different remedies and products and to be honest, while all of them may have helped a little bit, none have really sealed the deal. My skin may have improved a bit in terms of breakouts but my scarring is absolutely cray.

I tried the Live Clean line for four weeks and to be honest it literally did nothing. The same happened when I tried Clinique. Before this, I had been using Aloette products which I LOVED at first, but eventually I developed a weird reaction to it. I only use one Aloette product still to this day that I absolutely can't live without. I rarely use drugstore lines because I haven't been for the past two years. So when I tried to go back to Olay, or Biore, my skin gets dry and itchy. Not cool!

Arbonne Journey

I started my Arbonne journey in December. This part saddens me. I REALLY wanted it to work. I believe in what the company stands for. I like that its a quick 2/3 step system. I actually wrote in my blogging schedule the exact DATE that I would write my before and after with ARBONNE blog to help my friends out that work for the company. And it just didn't happen. I really do like the products. The cleanser I use I find is one of my favourite cleansers I've tried thus far. I will probably never use a different moisturizer other than the Arbonne one I use now. The products make my skin FEEL really great. I believe that they really help. But they did nothing for my breakouts. Nothing for my scarring. Apart from making my skin feel really soft, it hasn't done anything to reverse the damage. I will continue using some stuff. But as an overall line for improvement, I was one of the few that it just didnt work for. I've been using it for 4 months now.

The Natural Way

Out of anything, this probably helped the most. After going for a signature facial to de-stress, I picked up some tips from the aesthetician there (she's so nice). 
I started using tea tree oil as a spot treatment, including putting a couple drops of it into my daily Arbonne moisturizer. This was the only thing that helped reduce the breakouts. I also started exfoliating with baking soda and water once a week, which helped my active breakouts and made my face feel amazing! Lastly, I applied lemon and ice in the morning to my face pretty much every morning to reduce my scarring. All in all, this helped all my breakouts (for the most part) disappear in a short period of time! I was ecstatic. But like I said, even though my breakouts were virtually gone, I had a face full of scarring that I was NOT down with. But at least I got to the point where I felt comfortable again not wearing makeup outside. I continued these remedies with still using my daily Arbonne cleanser and I found it was really starting to work for me. Back to my old self again!

A couple of days later, I stepped out on the scene, makeup free to run some errands. I was feeling good, feeling alive! Fortunately/unfortunately, I was also going to meet my new doctor that day. I always used health services in university so I've never really had a family doctor. I was excited to meet her! I wasn't even thinking about my face. I went to the doctor for a check up with a smile on my face. Keep in mind, Meaghan has ALWAYS been a confident person. Meaghan usually doesn't let shit people say bother her. Maybe for a second, but in the long haul I usually stand with two middle fingers on each hand up. That all changed when one of the FIRST things my new doctor said to me was, in the most doctor-matter-of-fact-way, "So. You have acne." 

*WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!!? I do NOT have acne! I had a weird break out spell...okay like a six month spell - EFF YOU I DO NOT HAVE ACNE. Acne is for hormonal teenagers. THIS GIRL DOESNT HAVE ACNE! I LIVE A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE I HAVE NO ACNE. I FINALLY feel confident without makeup again! EVERYONE PROBABLY HAS ACNE but other people just wear makeup all the time. ARE YOU EVEN QUALIFIED TO BE A DOCTOR?!*

Me: **ahem...smile*...you think so?

Doctor: Yep. Your scarring is quite pigmented.I'm referring you to a dermatologist.

FUCK YOU I HAVE NO ACNE. YOU'RE A LIFE RUINER. YOU RUIN PEOPLE'S LIVES!!!

Me: Great. Thanks! 

I hate to be dramatic but I literally felt like someone peed on my lunch. I had come so far, my face journey was finally starting to curve and then a medical professional just has to point out that she NOTICES it. Worst. 

So fast forward to two days ago. Apart from having hormonal breakouts on my chin/jawline my face has settled down. But while I used to get the odd pimple on my period, now its like full blown pimple rage from the depths of hell for five days. And then it goes away. But my scarring is just ever present. 
I HATE wearing makeup everyday. I actually hate it. Ugh. And I don't know if that makes it worse!? 

Having breakouts sucks because the only way for me to reverse it is to not cake makeup on, and to try to relax. But, I need to wear makeup if I don't wanna feel like an absolute MUTANT, but then the makeup makes it worse! So, I just don't wear it. WELL THEN I HAVE SHIT ALL OVER MY FACE THAT I'VE NEVER HAD BEFORE, AND PEOPLE CAN NOTICE IT SO HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO RELAX!? It's a total Catch-22.

Nevertheless, I walked into the derms office feeling pretty good. I was doing the natural/Arbonne thing and like I said, my breakouts were gone (other than hormonal ones) but my scarring was noticeable but fading. I was half expecting to walk into the derms office for him to say, "Why did your doctor send you here? Your face is fine. Go home." I sat in his office, and after meeting me and looking at my face for literally LESS than ten seconds, he stared at his charts the whole time and said "Okay, you've never had acne before so lets just nip this in the bud and put you on Accutane! It'll be gone asap."

"Um. No thanks. Any other suggestions?" I'm just not open to accutane. Call me stubborn, whatever. A person who has never struggled with this issue before and it hasn't been long term (more than a year)... Agh. I'm just not open to it. Accutane (like other drugs) comes with a slew of potential side effects and it doesn't really keep up with the relatively natural lifestyle that I TRYYYY to live.

So instead he gave me two expensive medical topical gels to apply morning and night. Aczone, and Tactupump. No idea what it does. He explained nothing to me. He just told me to try some samples and wrote me a prescription. I think my appointment lasted MAYBE 45 seconds. He didn't ask about my diet, what stresses me out, my history...things that I feel would contribute to my facial breakouts. He didn't cover any of it. Just looked at me and then prescribed.  I left feeling stressed out. My skin probably loved that. 

So now here I am with a slew of medical acne treatment samples that I DON'T like using. I don't know what the side effects will be. I don't even think EITHER of these products help with scarring. Only with active breakouts. And if thats the case I DONT think need them. I'm not doctor, but I think I need something to help with the haywire pigmented scarring. I'm not concerned about my hormonal breakouts. (I spend five days out of every month bleeding out of my genitals, chill bro) Anyone with monthly issues would probably break out too.
 Im concerned with the fact that I NO longer feel confident wearing no makeup. And if there is one thing I am a) not USED to feeling b) HATE feeling, its self-conscious. Even when I had my pre-workout body, I was never really self-conscious ALL the time, I just had some bad moments. It was never an issue that my doctor told me to control. This is a whole new ball game, and I'm NOT that athletic.

What I would love, is to go back to my natural treatments with an INSURANCE that the scars will fade. I would love to not try something ELSE for four weeks only to realize that it didn't do shit. I would love to not be on topical gels right before I'm about to spend a week in the sun (because I'm supposed to avoid sunlight). I feel obligated to do what my doctor said, but to be honest I don't really wanna try, so I do it reluctantly.  I would love for my face to just be the way it was when I was 17! How many people say that!? 

What I would love is to go back to September and choose to NOT work five jobs - which I can guarantee contributed to my stress, thus contributing to this thing on my fassshh. 

I would also love to be more open minded to this journey. SO many people go through it. So many people have been dealing it for a longer time than I have and are so good at dealing with it, put on a brave face and just live with it with a great attitude. So many people have it worse than I do.
 I feel like such a baby! But since I'm so not used to it, and really did think this spell would be just that, a SPELL, that would last no longer than three months.... I'm just super disappointed :(

If this has something you've ever struggled with, PLEASE PLEASE comment below about what worked for you (specifically scarring wise). If you have tried either Aczone or Tactupump, please let me know how your experience was. If you just are going through the same thing and want to e-highfive a sista, please comment below. I need prayers, good energy and positive vibes that this will soon go away. 

P.S Not looking for anyone to say that my face looks fine and to stop complaining. This morning my skin happens to look better than it usually does, but its very come and go for me. Only constructive or positive advice allowed!

Check out my updated acne journey observations and recommendations HERE: